Yeah, I'll admit it; I've never seen Reservoir Dogs. I'm not a big Tarantino fan. Not because I've got anything against the guy, I mean I loved Kill Bill, who didn't. Sin City, a glorious feat of cinematic accomplishment. Four Rooms... freaked me out a little, because I first saw it when I was 14, awake at 2 a.m., and totally unprepared for the body underneath that bed. I don't even remember the segment Tarantino directed. I've seen seen snippets of Pulp Fiction, but I just never got around to seeing the whole thing, nor Reservoir Dogs, nor Jackie Brown; The Classics.

I have, not but 30 minutes ago, finished sitting through my very first screening of Reservoir Dogs. Finally. After all this time. After aaall these people saying, "Omg, you've never seen Reservoir Dogs, what the christ, it's so awesome, you don't even know. Tarantino is like a fricking genius man." No shit. But let me tell YOU something, everyone.

I hated that movie. Yeah, I hated it, and it wasn't because everyone dies, or the blood, or any other girly reason. The cinematography was fantastic; the acting first fucking rate (although I really dislike Michael Madsen, the only thing I've ever loved him in was Free Willy); the script and the soundtrack were awesome... But all in all, I found that movie to be a complete waste of my time. There was no point to it. "Nono, see, it's like... it's about the MEN, and a robbery gone bad, and what criminals will do to and for each other and like, yeah, it's about relationships," you might tell me, and if I did, I would reply to you with a swift and cutting, "Fuck you, son," because it just barely told a story. Just. Barely. And personally, I watch movies to be told stories. They don't have to be happy stories, or fun stories, or stories about unicorns (although that is a definite +10,000 to my rep with the director), but they should be GOOD stories. In MY opinion. I'm sure a lot of you think a story about a bunch of guys who fuck up a diamond heist, and all get their asses SHOT is a good story, but I don't, and so I hated Reservoir Dogs, and was indeed exceptionally pissed off that I did. And, consequently, pissed off at all the people who told me it was a "fucking awesome" movie, which is a lot of god damn people, so you can imagine how mad I am right now.

So that's it, that's my thing, I hated Reservoir Dogs, and I hate you for liking it, so you go to hell. You go to hell and you DIE.